


Stumbling Through Time

by Herk



Series: Two Sides Of The Same Coin [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character Study, Complete, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-16 13:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19318888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herk/pseuds/Herk
Summary: Aziraphale's journey from Heaven to the Garden to the Arrangement - companion piece to Falling Through Eternity.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> There were just too many parts in Falling where I knew EXACTLY what Aziraphale's side of the equation looked like. But it didn't belong there.

Aziraphale was a principality - an angel of the Lord. He had never known anything but Heavenly bliss and he never wanted to. It was enough to know God loved him as She loved all of them. It was enough to know that he and his brethren served Her glory.

 

Then Lucifer rebelled.

 

There was a war in Heaven.

 

Aziraphale hated it. He wasn’t a warrior - or at least not a very good one - and he simply couldn’t understand why things had suddenly escalated like this. He was lucky enough that he personally hadn’t known any of the angels that fell otherwise it would have broken his heart even more.

 

When the Almighty cast the rebels out, Aziraphale was grateful that the fight was over. But he also saw the severity of their punishment - stripped of their names, cast away from Her light, sentenced to an existence without Her presence in pain and suffering, marked with ugly names and disfigured. And Aziraphale felt pity and sorrow for the first time in his life and knew that things could never be quite the same.

 

And then She created earth and all the life thereon.

 

Aziraphale didn’t understand but he knew that wasn’t necessary. This was all part of Her ineffable plan and it was good and Aziraphale loved earth as he loved all Her creation. So when he was chosen to stand guard at Eden, he smiled. He took the body with a sense of joy and the sword with a sense of duty. This truly was a new beginning and even if it couldn’t be as wonderful and perfect as his time in Heaven before the War, it could very well be perfect and wonderful in a wholly new way and he was looking forward to experience that.

*


	2. Eden

The Garden is a wonderful place so different from Heaven and yet completely perfect. Bright colours, teaming with life, Her imagination has no limits and Aziraphale feels peace at that renewed insight. He is small and insignificant. He will never fully understand the Almighty in all Her glory. And that is a comfort to his soul.

 

He was troubled after the War. He hadn’t questioned Her infallibility but he had edged in that direction, a troubling thing for a principality. But the Garden heals him. It reminds him in a very profound way that God is Good.

 

The humans are nothing but children, beautiful, friendly, innocent children and Eden provides for them. Technically Aziraphale’s duty is to keep the two trees safe. But that duty requires practically naught of him. He tells them once: “Look, my dears, these two trees? Don’t eat their fruit, yes?” And they agree with a smile and go elsewhere to play with some tiger cubs. They are such sweet things both of them.

 

Aziraphale spends his time exploring the Garden mostly. There is so much to discover in each little nook, from the lion and the lamb playing catch with each other, to the orangutan petting a bear. The flowers and trees and the birds and the fish, everything is new and beautiful. He knows that there are many creatures he hasn’t even discovered yet and that he could spend the rest of his life here just exploring and studying and praising the Almighty in his soul for creating this place.

 

He hasn’t gotten quite used to the concept of time yet but it surely has been several years since he started his new role as Guardian of the Eastern Gate when he walks by the trees and notices something amiss.

 

The Tree of Knowledge - one of the apples is missing.

 

Aziraphale panics.

 

He looks around, surely it has just fallen off, a gust of wind maybe. Or perhaps one of the animals…

 

When his search becomes more frantic he doesn’t find the apple but the young man, hiding from him. Aziraphale furrows his brow, he really has no time for games right now.

 

“Adam? Have you perchance seen an apple lying around here somewhere?”

 

And the child blushes and tries to hide and Aziraphale suddenly knows what has happened.

 

“Oh dear.”

 

When the Almighty speaks the children cower. They have displeased Her and they will pay for it. They are cast out from paradise - the only possible punishment for disobeying Her. And the Lord pulls Her presence from the Garden, leaving Aziraphale to cast them out.

 

Aziraphale is a principality - an angel of the Lord. He doesn’t question Her wisdom. He doesn’t dare to.

 

He escorts the two of them to the exit but with Her presence gone and those two frightened beings right before him, Aziraphale for the first time does something unprompted, something that could be considered rebellious. He hands Adam the sword - his sword. He has seen the world beyond the Garden and he understands that the world has changed, has become a far less friendly and innocent place. Outside of Eden a lion wouldn’t let Eve comb through his mane. Outside of Eden he would eat her. Besides the nights are cold in the desert and the two have to think about not only themselves but also the baby.

 

He closes the wall behind them and hopes no one will notice for a long time what he has done.

 

Once that duty is done, he flies up on the wall to watch over them as they leave. He isn’t allowed to help but he needs to know how they will fare on their own out there.

 

When the giant snake slithers up the wall beside him, he isn’t all that surprised. The children were innocent. They wouldn’t have disobeyed out of their own volition. So of course one of the rebels is behind it.

 

When the snake turns into his true form, he is a bit surprised. He has heard rumors about the disfigurements the demons were struck with but there is nothing all too un-angelic about the creature next to him, the wings are black, which pains him to see, and the robe he made for himself is dark. But the only truly different thing about him are his snake eyes.

 

He introduces himself as Crawley and is acting rather civilized.

 

Aziraphale is very relieved. He really doesn’t want to fight. Even if he had been a good righteous warrior, his concern for the humans is on the forefront of his mind - not some old grudges.

 

They both watch, each lost in their own sorrows but Crawley is kind to him and Aziraphale appreciates it. With the human’s banishment his old definitely-not-doubts are back but the demon assures him that they are different and that Aziraphale is still an angel - incapable of doing wrong.

 

The sky weeps as Adam kills for the first time.

 

And without even noticing it, Aziraphale spreads one of his wings to shelter the being next to him.

*


	3. Grief

Heaven is a place of bureaucracy, so things move slowly. Aziraphale is stuck on guarding Eden for a long time. Someone has to make sure that the humans won’t come back.

 

It’s silly really. Neither Adam nor Eve would find their way back even if they tried. And there’s a huge, impenetrable wall.

 

The Garden is still beautiful but it has ceased being paradise.

 

The Almighty’s presence has left this place with the humans. Her aura lingers on for a while but as it becomes more and more clear that She won’t return, it vanishes.

 

Aziraphale sighs. He trusts that the ineffable plan will turn out for the best. He has to.

 

After some time, he decides he wants to check in on the humans, see how they are doing.

 

It takes many more years before he acts on his whim. No matter how stupid his current duty might seem to him, it is still his duty. And he still isn’t sure when someone will bring up the sword again. When the Almighty asked after it, She was somehow distracted and then left before pressing him to confess but he still worries.

 

It becomes more and more clear in his mind that that’s who he is - the angel who worries.

 

After worrying for a long while, Aziraphale decides to act despite of it. He leaves the wall behind and travels until he finds Adam and Eve.

 

They remember him, he hasn’t changed after all. They on the other hand have. They have aged for one - a subtle change that never touched them in the Garden. And their faces show emotions Aziraphale doesn’t recognise.

 

Tears are streaming down their faces and when he talks to them, he learns what grief is.

 

They tell him what has happened and Aziraphale feels his heart swell with righteous anger. He feels a demonic presence nearby and of course there is. Something like that couldn’t have happened otherwise. He sends a wave of love to the grieving parents to lighten their burden and then he lets them sleep. It’s for the best if they rest for a little while and dream of happier times. It’s the only relief he can give them.

 

Then he strides over to the demon fully intend of making him pay for what he’s done.

 

When he sees that it’s Crawley, he is shocked. Crawley had been nice to him at the Gate. He had expressed sorrow for the humans same as him. If Crawley had done something like this than the world was a worse place than he’d thought.

 

Smiting isn’t really in his nature and he hasn’t got his flaming sword anyway, so despite his anger, his weapon of choice is words.

 

“How could you?” It’s something Aziraphale needs to know.

 

And the demon practically explodes in his face, not only denying any involvement but blaming the humans and the Almighty Herself for the tragedy. Again he is shocked. But Crawley is a demon. Questioning, defying, blaming God is what got him here in the first place.

 

Demons lie of course, Aziraphale knows that. But the tears he sees on Crawley’s face are the same he’d seen on Adam’s and Eve’s faces. The same one he can now feel streaming down his own.

 

He sits down next to the demon and they share their grief and their shock in wordless companionship.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving one's post never leads to good stuff :(


	4. The Colours Of The Rainbow

By all means the Cain and Abel tragedy should put him right off of earth and humanity. He should be craving to go back to Heaven, to bask in Her glory again and to be safely away from the whole mess.

 

But when Eden is moved beyond mortal reach and he could return, Aziraphale reasons with Gabriel that a permanent representative of Heaven on earth would be a good thing. Someone has to keep an eye on things to make sure everything is going along quite fine and no one is messing with the plan and all that.

 

Gabriel smiles and praises his innovative thinking.

 

Aziraphale can’t shake the feeling that his superior is just humouring him.

 

“See Aziraphale, that’s a wonderful idea. But to sentence an angel to permanently deny themselves, to stay away from Heaven for so long. We really couldn’t ask that of anyone.”

 

“Oh, I would do it.” He tries to sound casual. Wanting something for oneself even if it was just a specific duty was dangerously close to egomania for a principality.

 

Gabriel’s perfect smile breaks for just a moment. There is surprise written all over his face. “You would? Splendid. That’s the commitment we like to see in our angels.” The smile is back again. “We will put it through with head office.”

 

God’s presence is gone from earth. But there is still flowers, and nightingales, and bumblebees. There is still humanity.

 

Besides up in Heaven surely someone would ask after the blasted sword and he doesn’t want to answer that particular question.

 

Before he formally gets the appointment, he gets a visit from Michael.

 

“We have information that Hell has placed one of their own here on earth, Aziraphale, so your presence has turned from a good idea into a necessity.”

 

He nods and wonders if that demon is Crawley or someone he hasn’t met yet.

 

“Your primary mission will be to thwart their evil wiles whenever possible, encourage humanity toward good. It’s of great strategic importance to weaken the enemy as much as possible before the final war.”

 

“The final war, yes. That’s a long while off though, isn’t it?”

 

“Nevertheless, our fight starts here. They are evil. We stand in God’s glory. You must never forget that Aziraphale, even if you are farther from Her light than you would be in Heaven.”

 

He manages a nervous little smile. Gabriel always puts him off because he’s so impossibly perfect, everything an angel should be and he feels awfully inadequate around him. Michael on the other hand frightens him. She has a core of steel that’s very close to the surface. One might say she had a skin of steel also. That’s why she had been such an effective commander in the war. No angel would dare not to follow her commands. “I won’t,” he promises.

*

When he runs into Crawley again his first reaction is relief that he won’t have to face an unknown foe. He informs the demon that he has been assigned to thwart him - it is only civilised after all.

 

Crawley grins at him. “Could be worse.”

 

His instinctive reaction is to agree. But then he remembers that evil lies. And schemes. And tempts.

 

He is an angel of the Lord. He won’t fall for charming friendliness, he can’t. So his reaction is nothing more but a curt acknowledgement. He leaves before Crawley might find a way to get him into trouble.

*

He regularly sends reports to head office. He takes care of all the small blessings and miracles they want him to do and spends his free time learning about earth and humanity.

 

Sometimes he receives a courteous update on the Plan along with his orders.

 

“Please stay clear of the Mesopotamian area between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice. The Almighty has a cleansing scheduled in the form of a flood to punish humanity for its evil ways. Inform Noah and his family that they will be saved and give them the specifications for the arch, then leave. Everything else will be taken care of by head office. Afterwards the world will get a new addition by Her glorious mercy - a rain bow - to remind men of Her ever-loving grace and to seal the promise that such a punishment won’t ever be necessary again.”

 

Aziraphale should be happy about this. Another part of the Great Plan accomplished, evildoers punished righteously. He fidgets with the letter. He is unsure how he _feels_ about this but he’s pretty sure that happy isn’t the word.

 

When he’s given Noah the instructions, he leaves as has been his orders.

 

But humans are so unpredictable. And there might be things head office hadn’t foreseen. And maybe something has happened in the meantime that the plan needs to be changed.

 

So he watches as the animals board the arch, one pair of each (seven of the kosher ones because humans need to eat) to preserve the local species. Ice bears of course will be fine, as will koalas. When Crawley approaches him, he is too distracted by his own thoughts to summon the appropriate righteous contempt.

 

He explains what’s going on and Crawley reacts as expected. He protests. He argues. He’s a demon and simply can’t see the greater good of Her ineffable plan.

 

Deep, deep down where he hides it even from himself, Aziraphale isn’t sure anymore that he can.

 

Crawley storms off probably to follow some futile scheme.

 

Aziraphale stays.

 

He stays when it begins to rain.

 

He stays as the flood rises.

 

He stays as the humans and the goats drown around him. He hears their cries and there’s nothing he can do but lessen their suffering and witness it.

 

He stays, perched on the highest tree, up on a hill, that he can find and he listens to their cries and he listens to the deadly silence that follows.

 

At some point Crawley returns.

 

On some level Aziraphale registers the rage radiating of the demon but he doesn’t care. If he were to be struck down right now then at least the pain would stop.

 

The rain on his face has long since become indistinguishable from the tears.

 

Crawley says nothing, just sits beside him until the rain stops.

 

When the demon screams “FUCK your rainbow!” at the top of his lungs, Aziraphale only doesn’t join because he’s far too wrung out to do pretty much anything.

*


	5. Parlez you Deutsch?

He takes some time to recuperate after that. His heart simply isn’t in it anymore. He still fulfills his duty. It is who he is after all. An angel of Heaven following his duty. But he finds no joy in it.

 

He remembers Heaven and sometimes he longs to be back, to bask again in Her light and forget about the questions, forget about the very real suffering Her great, abstract plan causes down here on earth. But that would be a coward’s way out. And he isn’t a coward - at least not of that kind.

 

When Gabriel orders him to Babylon because of some architectural venture the citizens are up to, he dares to speak up.

 

“Surely She can’t intend on striking them all down? Building houses can hardly be considered a sin.”

 

Gabriel looks at him in that way of his that always makes Aziraphael pull his wings close, hoping to shrink into invisible. “It is hardly your place to decide what’s sinful, Aziraphale.”

 

“Well no but...but the rainbow was a promise, wasn’t it? We can’t go back on a promise, we are Heaven.” His voice wavers but he does speak out. He expects to be struck down into brimstone lakes any moment now.

 

Gabriel smiles. “Oh you worry about the public relations aspect? Don’t get your feathers all ruffled, poor Aziraphale. No deaths are scheduled, just a neat little thing we came up with called ‘languages’. I think you will enjoy those.”

 

Aziraphale feels like he’s close to fainting. He manages a small, nervous smile. “Well, that’s good then, I guess.”

 

“Of course it is. We are of Heaven after all.”

 

The whole exchange leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He decides to stick around in Babylon to make sure no unscheduled deaths happen as a consequence of this ‘languages’ thing. He somehow doesn’t trust head office not to screw this up.

 

In Babylon he meets Crawley and gets his first introduction to alcohol. That’s really the best thing about that whole mess.

 

It will take some centuries until he sees the positive outfall of Babylon and in the end is quite willing to accept that it was probably worth it. The Almighty is omniscient and infallible and languages are a constant reminder that maybe he should trust Her judgement more.


	6. What did the people in Gomorrha do?

Sodom and Gomorrah has him as close to falling as he’s ever been. It is a slap in the face of the rainbow and Aziraphale can’t shake the impression that this decision has been made by head office instead of the Almighty Herself.

 

It’s a very, very human place - maybe a few more vices than average but there are good people there too.

 

Only Sandolphon and Michael go out of their way not to find any of them when they go searching. Aziraphale tries shoving some examples discreetly in their direction but they turn around just in the wrong moment or simply ignore the people, concentrating only on the bad.

 

They never approach him to join in the destruction. He is pretty sure that they don’t trust him to do his job. And they are right. Not asking him is a mercy. Heaven spares him the pain, they want to protect him.

 

If he goes openly against them, he _will_ fall there is no question about that.

 

And he wouldn’t achieve anything.

 

But he knows what is coming.

 

Humans are travelling around all the time, visiting relatives in neighbouring cities, marrying off their daughters somewhere. So really it’s only to be expected that the avenging angels find some beds empty, some houses abandoned. Not to a degree that they get suspicious. If they started hunting down the stranglers, then it would be all for nothing.

 

It’s not much he can do but at least a handful of families escape.

 

From that day on Aziraphale lives in fear of being found out. He trusts that the Almighty would see his compassion for what it is. But he also knows that God hasn’t spoken directly to any of them in a long time. Maybe the last time was that little talk they had about the flaming sword.

 

What if his behaviour has sent Her into retreat? Maybe his decision to show mercy to sinners made Her give up on all of it.

 

And even if that isn’t the case there’s a good chance the archangels could twist it that way.

 

So he keeps very, very quiet and tries to stay off their radar. Not to stir up any trouble by acting by himself.

 

From time to time he slips up though, like that time when Abraham is asked to sacrifice his own child. He simply can’t let that happen, so in the last minute he steps up and tells him it was all just a test (and he believes it. He can’t believe God would ask that of anyone) and that a goat would do just fine.

 

When a goat appears a second later out of nowhere he sees himself validated and uses it in his latest report to headquarters. He might overemphasize his gut feeling as ‘divine intuition’ but the goat justifies it all.

 

Aziraphale smiles to himself, reassured that although he might not understand the ineffable plan it is still overall a good and worthy thing.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Aziraphale only knew who restored his faith there.


	7. Family Ties

After saving Isaac, Aziraphale stays quite interested in the family. When he sees the fight between Esau and Jacob he’s increasingly worried that it’s Cain and Abel all over again. But a few nudges and encouragements and some years down the line the two brothers reconcile.

 

Aziraphale couldn’t be happier.

 

Humanity is worth saving and they can be saved.

 

Then Jacob has sons - a whole dozen of them and Aziraphale is very fond of all twelve.

 

He has to leave for a bit to take care of some miracles in Asia and when he returns he finds that Joseph is gone. He is sad but such is the way of things with mortals, they die far too quickly.

 

Since he’s hopping around quite a bit, doing a blessing in Saba, bringing a vision to a young woman in Polynesia and so on, he hears a lot of gossip and news. So when he returns to Jakob and his sons and finds them in the middle of a famine he has an idea. He discreetly plants a couple of rumours for the boys to hear and soon they are on their way to Egypt.

 

It’s a long and difficult journey but Aziraphale sees to it that the whole family makes it.

 

He really has too much sentimental attachment. He should shake it as soon as possible - after they are in safety.

 

When they arrive, he is there to witness their meeting with the pharaoh's trusted adviser and he is shocked to the core.

 

Josef wasn’t dead?

 

He’d been sold into slavery by his own brothers?

 

That can’t be right. They are all such good boys Ruben especially. Maybe Levi could be a bit strict but still he’s a fine young man.

*

He stays for the next few years and despite his attempts he can’t keep the situation from going pear shaped. Suddenly the Chosen people find themselves as slaves. And they stay slaves.

 

Until finally a wonderful, shy young man - Moses, Pharaoh's adopted grandson - is called to remedy the situation. But despite the family ties he has little to no success.

 

Head office takes this as their cue and the plagues start. The frogs are terribly inconvenient but Aziraphale knows things will get worse before they get better.

*

He wanders the streets of the city trying to make sense of it all when he stumbles upon Crawley. And suddenly everything seems clear.

 

“You know this is all quite your fault.” He says by way of introduction.

 

The demon feigns ignorance and then storms off. Really the gall of it. Aziraphale follows. This discussion isn’t over.

 

It takes him a bit longer than it should finding Crawley in one of the local bars, already pretty deep into his… barrel apparently. The demon seems genuinely hurt - which of course can’t be, him being a demon and all. But the way his hairpiece sits half slipped off on his head, he looks more like a mess than anything.

 

Suddenly Azirapahle isn’t too sure anymore. He takes refuge in manners. Crawley tells him to ‘fuck off’.

 

He tries to explain that it was only natural that he jumped to a conclusion. It was quite the coincidence meeting the demon here and he  _ is  _ evil.

 

Crawley insists on his standards, his style. That is something Aziraphale can buy. But still it feels like this isn’t the whole story.

 

He stays and they talk. Well, it’s mostly Crawley rambling about humans being humans and that it’s basically Cain and Abel all over again minus the killing and he doesn’t know if it isn’t even worse with the slavery. Seeing the demon’s point, Azirphale admits to himself that it was silly to search for someone else to blame. Humans - even the nice ones - were capable of bad things all by themselves.

 

They stay until morning and after Aziraphale has drunk his fair share, he admits to his own sorrows, mentions the plagues yet to come.

 

“It’s all necessary, I’m quite sure. Still a pity though.”

 

That sends Crawley into another tirade. Aziraphale is shocked by how much anger the fallen angel can summon at the slightest cause. It must be there boiling under the surface all of the time. That frightens him. Because when Crawley rants about the rainbow and Sodom and Gomorrah and demands -  _ demands  _ \- answers, he can’t give any.

 

At least no satisfactory one.

*


	8. 40 years is a loooong time

When the Israelites leave, Aziraphale follows. He isn’t too impressed with the whole Red Sea miracle to be honest. Not only could upstairs have found a way not to kill even more people but in his opinion it’s unnecessary flashy and on the nose.

 

Humans got Choice.

 

They got free will.

 

So pulling out the big gun miracles like this feels a bit like cheating. Well, it’s not as if anyone ever asks his opinion.

 

He follows their exodus and looks after them - mostly. 

 

I mean no one could expect him to live off of manna for decades could they? Not that he needed food to sustain him but he has been experimenting with human food lately and he likes it. It’s even better than the alcohol that Crawley introduced him to. (Which is a kind of relief, it means he hasn’t been totally corrupted).

 

Besides upstairs has a very keen direct eye on this whole thing. His attention is better spent elsewhere really. So he misses some of the excitement like the golden calf but he is there for the commandments. “Thou shall not kill” has to be his personal favourite that and “Love your neighbour”. All the other ones are… complicated, judging from his experience. 

 

Whenever he is there, he spends time with Aaron. Moses’ brother is a learned man and he is the chronicler of their journey and Aziraphale enjoys the quiet conversations over some scroll or another and discussing various stories and legends. Aziraphale could clear up all of Aaron’s questions but again he feels like that would be cheating. So he listens instead and learns, about Aaron, the Israelites, about humanity.

 

Moses sometimes joins them and is glad that no one expects him to talk.

 

He never really overcame that shyness that came with his stutter. He has to fight against his flight instinct every time he gives a rousing speech and he gives plenty of those.

 

Aziraphale admires that kind of courage and he hopes he can one day find a similar one within himself.

 

One thing he will always remember is how Moses is haunted by all the death he’s caused. He does his best to convince him that the plagues weren’t his fault but Moses still blames himself. If he had just been better, more convincing, then all those people, all those children needn’t have died.

 

“It was necessary, I’m sure, in the Almighty’s great, ineffable plan.”

 

Moses gives him a sad smile. “Even if that were true, my friend. I still once killed a man in rage. I spent hours engraving a stone saying that that is a mortal sin in the eyes of our Lord.”

 

“You attoned though. The Almighty picked you as an emissary afterwards.”

 

Later Aaron thanks him for his kindness. Moses might never forgive himself but Aziraphale’s gentleness is nevertheless appreciated.

 

In the end, Moses isn’t truly forgiven but his sin worth condemning isn’t that he killed someone.

 

“Thou shall not perform a miracle without crediting your Lord, the Almighty”, seems to have been forgotten when the tablets were written.

 

When Crawley pops up only shortly after Moses’ death, Aziraphale is still bitter and he can’t really hide it. He should be better than this. He is an angel of the Lord not some bickering demon who runs away when the going gets tough.

 

Then why, oh why, does he think that Crawley might be in the right about this?

*


	9. A few clarifications on the rules

 

Aziraphale isn’t the angel bringing Mariam the good news. That job is prestigious and flashy enough that Gabriel himself comes down to earth and speaks to her.

 

No Aziraphale gets stuck with the job of making sure that Mariam’s husband will stay with her and look after the child instead of beating her into a pulp, or leaving her out to dry. Luckily enough Joseph really loves Mariam and is willing to forgive his wife anything. They argue and they cry but there’s never any actual danger of violence or abandonment.

 

Joseph is a good man and Aziraphale is happy to know that Christ will have two loving parents.

 

Joshua Ben Josef is a bright child. A friendly child. And Aziraphale is reminded of all the things he loves about humanity and loved about Heaven whenever he checks in on him. He argues with scholars at the temple, he revives a dead bird because he pities it, he grows into an extraordinary young man. But he is also driven.

 

Joshua knows that he is different and that he can do things no one else can do.

 

Azirapahle refrains from meddling because this is a part of the great plan that’s simply too important to be muddled up by a well meaning angel.

 

And Joshua who is so utterly human in many regards decides that he will change things.

 

If he has power, if he has the ability, he would be at fault if he didn’t use it.

 

So he starts collecting like-minded young people. He starts to preach. Joshua like many young people before and many after sets out to change the world.

 

He sits with whores and tax collectors and he teaches forgiveness.

 

Aziraphale can’t stay away. The Christ is far more like the Almighty that he wishes for rather than the Almighty head office is always going on about. And he is far more human. 

 

He approaches him at a wedding where he and his friends are guests. Before he can introduce himself, Joshua looks at him with knowing eyes and smiles. “Hello, my friend.”

 

“Hello.” He smiles sheepishly. “I’m Aziraphale and…”

 

“I remember you. You taught me how to heal the dove when I was a child.”

 

He blushes. He should have known really. “Well, I shouldn’t have, best forget about it really. It was unapproved meddling.”

 

“Sometimes the generally approved things aren’t the right way to go about things though.”

 

One of his friends approaches Joshua, something about the wine running out. He turns toward the angel. “Just a moment, if you’ll excuse me.” He comes back quickly after miracle-ing the water into wine and Aziraphale is at a loss for words. That kind of miracle is frivolous to the highest extent. But he is the Messiah so who is Aziraphale to criticise.

 

Joshua winks at him. “Sometimes being human means I can bend the rules a bit.”

 

He tries for a smile. “I’m sure it does.”

 

Joshua sits down with him. “You are troubled, my friend.”

 

He wants to deny it but something about this young man means he can’t. He has been troubled for centuries now - probably since before Eden. And he never had anyone to confess that to.

 

“You do understand what I am?”

 

“One of my Father-who-is-up-in-Heaven’s servants.” Joshua states as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

 

“Yes - quite.” He searches for the right words, he scrambles his mind for a way to explain. Although Joshua is bright, he is still human and as such his understanding is limited. “I… I shouldn’t be troubled. I shouldn’t doubt. I…” And his words leave him as he finds tears streaming down his face, for the very first time shed for himself rather than out of compassion for someone else.

 

Joshua sits and watches him cry and waits. He doesn’t offer a comforting touch, maybe feeling that it would be too much for an angel who isn’t used to such gestures. After a while he speaks quietly as if to himself.

 

“A while ago I gave a sermont up on a mountain and I tried to clarify some things. When my Father told men to love their neighbours, I tell them they also have to love their foes, but you my friend need another clarification. It is written that you shall love thy neighbour as you love yourself - that whole commandment would turn meaningless if you didn’t love yourself.”

 

Aziraphale’s eyes widen. Angels are supposed to love all of Creation but it’s also expected that they don’t care about themselves or their wishes. They are nothing but servants to the Almighty’s great plan.

 

“We all have doubts, each of us. Sometimes we sin.” And with that Joshua holds up his cup of wine that by rights shouldn’t be here. “That doesn’t mean we are unworthy of love.”

 

Aziraphale thinks about the outcasts from Heaven, some of them did nothing but question and were ripped apart and cast aside as a result. Through his tears he asks. “Surely that is meant for humankind.”

 

Joshua smiles. He’s the Messiah, Christ, God born into a mortal hull. “Maybe we can all afford to become a little more human.”

*

 

Aziraphale is at Gethsemane. He hears Joshua’s anguished plea and he knows that _everyone_ has doubts. He hates Heaven just a tiny bit for making that man suffer and for once he accepts that feeling as a part of himself he needn’t be ashamed of.

 

He meets the demon at the crucifixion. He has changed his name and Aziraphale thinks he might get used to Crowley. It rather fits his angry companion. They both stay and pay their respects and afterwards they drink to his memory.

 

Aziraphale wonders what Joshua told Cra- Crowley. Maybe one day he will know. Until then he will remember that Joshua told him to love his foe.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first apocrypha story I ever learned about was child Jesus bringing a dove back from the dead (as a foreshadowing of him doing it later for humans I guess). Aziraphale is totally the one who is to blame for that one and I will fight anyone who argues against that.


	10. What are 4000 years among friends?

It’s not that long until he meets Crowley again. He is in Rome tasting himself through a considerable amount of different restaurants and delicatessen shops. This is the heart of an Empire and therefore you get the best and the brightest of everything - including cooks.

 

Joshua’s words are still fresh on his mind and he tries harder to love himself, to treat himself to things he enjoys without succumbing to a bad conscience later.

 

He is just about to try out a new tavern when he spots a familiar figure. Like always Crowley goes with the fashion so he blends in pretty well. But Aziraphale is quite accustomed with his lean frame and his acerbic tones.

 

He is honestly glad to see the demon, especially since it’s less depressing circumstances than the last couple of times. Then in a good natured attempt at small talk he puts his food in his mouth.

 

Crowley reacts predictably.

 

But Aziraphale isn’t ready to give up. He smiles a bit foolishly and offers to take the demon out for dinner, introducing him to that thing they do with oysters here, as a way of an apology. Crowley accepts and he couldn’t be happier.

 

During dinner Aziraphale nearly forgets his company. The dishes are just too heavenly. Crowley enjoys them as well but eats far less than him. Well, to each their own.

 

He notices Crowley’s fishing questions but chooses to ignore them. He’s just doing his job and not all that enthusiastically really. No reason to spoil a perfectly good evening.

 

When they are both finished with their meal, Crowley orders wine and Aziraphale doesn’t protest. After all even the Messiah enjoyed the occasional cup.

 

They stay up the whole night together (neither of them needs sleep after all) and drink and talk about anything but the job.

 

“So what are those little dark glasses for?” He asks at one point, maybe a bit tipsy.

 

“Have you seen my eyes?”

 

“Course I have. What kind of question is that? - They’re pretty.” He adds for good measure.

 

“Yeah they are.” Crowley agrees. “But humans - you see humans - they think snake eyes are unnatural - ‘t least on a human face.”

 

“That’s stupid.”

 

Crowley shrugs. “They’re stupid. But they’re also brilliant. Complicated creatures - humans.”

 

Aziraphale nods. “Maybe we’ll figure them out in another 4000 years or so.”

 

Crowley lifts his glass. “To the next 4000 years then.”

 

“To the next,” he agrees.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe they're not too clear on the schedule. I mean Crowley WAS surprised when Hastur and Ligur gave him the baby.


	11. Epilogue

Aziraphale doesn’t know when exactly Heaven lost Her presence but he is pretty sure that he can’t feel Her anymore whenever he visits to give a report. The light is still omnipresent but where once it was warm and comforting and glorious it now has turned cold and sterile.

 

On his bad days Azirapahle wonders if that has more to do with a change inside himself and less to do with a change within Heaven.

 

He has spent and extraordinary amount of time on earth after all. It has changed him.

 

But then he remembers Joshua and he knows his change isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 

He still knows that Heaven is good and will ultimately triumph. He still is nervous around other angels. Gabriel shows him what an angel is supposed to be and he can’t help but feel inadequate by comparison.

 

But he has done his share of good. And maybe his way isn’t all that bad.

 

Aziraphale still needs time to decide what ultimately will be the right thing to do. He knows that Upstairs means well and he has been proven wrong in his judgement before. 

 

But the future is wide open.

 

Maybe he’ll discuss his dilemma with Crowley one of these days. He is pretty sure that the demon is the one person that might understand.

 

And until then there are books to read, pastries to consume, and wine to drink.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


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